You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
