You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
