chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
