Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
