i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
