dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
As shirtless as possible
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
