i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
