i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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