just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
