Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
