you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
