Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
