How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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