You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
