Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
