is your mom at the bar?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He? As in you personified your dick?
this is an emotional support booty call
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
