All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
