I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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