i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
