Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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