So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
