I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
