no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
