so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
