Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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