i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm both gender and math confused
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
