pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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