I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
