I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
