Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize