speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
