Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
