I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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