yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
