Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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