did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
