I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
