this just has baby written all over it
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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