somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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