Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
