he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
