singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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