Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
