I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
