Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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