i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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