come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
