Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
