Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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