u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize