That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
