if i can run in heels then i can drive
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
