I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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