if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you didnt know i had herpes?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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