I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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