she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
