McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
