I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Fuck appropriateness.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize