My brain says no but my pants say off.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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