hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My balls are so social today.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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