We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
