if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
