Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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