I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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