Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
