i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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