found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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