is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
