wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
