I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
