I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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