I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish i was in the wii world.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
