ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
