It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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