i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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