im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
