I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize