i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
