I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
