Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
