where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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