just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
