my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
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That's how twitter works, right?
Too much gin, very little bucket
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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