road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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