At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
