just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We had sex on a dog bed..
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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