apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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