onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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