Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
