sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
