It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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