just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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