I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
