I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
