how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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