Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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