yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
