What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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