Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
