whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
