I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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