whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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