My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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