she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
