If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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