Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
