Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
