Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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