connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
