I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
