Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
